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Mercifully, the kind and complicated man I was married to focused too.

I'd always heard that you have to work at a marriage.

I told no one, immersed and isolated in my secret life. In moments of fleeting clarity, I wanted to understand what was happening to me. Was it just my marriage problems, or was there something deeper causing me to behave that way?

As I have come to learn, most of those who grow up in a dysfunctional relationship are condemned to seek them out forevermore. In adulthood, I had become a rather complicated girlfriend, each relationship beginning well, but then growing fractured and ending badly.

I am bound to say, though, that I wasn't solely culpable. I ended up marrying one of these complicated boyfriends.

Taking my online affair offline was my big mistake, a transgression too far.

What drew me to the online world was the maintenance of fantasy.

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Some people can handle guilt well, and can happily juggle more than one life.

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